Growing Deeper Roots: My Story of Invisible Illness

It's been almost 2 years since I have posted to this blog. Believe me, I have tried. I have about 25 saved draft posts that never got published because they ended up sounding like the same repetitive story. Another pattern of rumination. Another soliloquy of self pity.  That's because the last three years of my life have been fairly cyclical and unchanged. I have a few good weeks where my symptoms plateau and I faint only once or twice a month. Then, a storm hits. I get a cold and I crash into a regressive phase where I faint daily, injury myself, get frustrated, and then slowly move back up to the plateau.  I have been tired and frustrated as I put grad school on pause, as I continue living with my parents, as I take three steps forward 2 steps back. So I stopped blogging and started to do what I could to move forward, pretending I am not sick, and working on ways to get healthier like a normal 24 year old. But still on pause.  But over the last few weeks, ...

When people talk about the "isms" in society, racism and sexism are usually the first that come to mind. Later in the list comes agism. Often forgotten and misunderstood, is ableism.  Ableism: Discrimination in favor of able-bodied people.  In the last 9 months of my life, I have thought a lot about ableism. A year ago, when I whole-heartedly identified myself as "able-bodied," I never even considered the nuanced meanings of "disabled" or "abled." I assumed that, like the other "isms" I've learned about or experienced, the categories were cut and dry. You were either "able-bodied" or you were "disabled." I never imagined that I would one day live in the hell that is the grey area.  On my worst days, I am undeniably disabled. I am in bed or, if I must go out, I'm in the wheelchair. On my best days, I am walking on my own and participating in society like an able-bodied 20 year old. That lasts for about ...