Growing Deeper Roots: My Story of Invisible Illness

It's been almost 2 years since I have posted to this blog. Believe me, I have tried. I have about 25 saved draft posts that never got published because they ended up sounding like the same repetitive story. Another pattern of rumination. Another soliloquy of self pity.  That's because the last three years of my life have been fairly cyclical and unchanged. I have a few good weeks where my symptoms plateau and I faint only once or twice a month. Then, a storm hits. I get a cold and I crash into a regressive phase where I faint daily, injury myself, get frustrated, and then slowly move back up to the plateau.  I have been tired and frustrated as I put grad school on pause, as I continue living with my parents, as I take three steps forward 2 steps back. So I stopped blogging and started to do what I could to move forward, pretending I am not sick, and working on ways to get healthier like a normal 24 year old. But still on pause.  But over the last few weeks, ...

As you may remember, I am on the (seemingly endless) waiting-list for a service dog. The organization I am working with is called Canine Partners for Life. The only thing that makes me feel better about how long and excruciating this wait is, is knowing that I’m waiting for something great and that as I’m waiting, K9P is getting better at training and matching dogs. Learning about this process has been such a joy. It started in August of 2015. I researched many organizations that worked with alert dogs and choose K9P because they had the best reputation, highest success rate, friendliest staff and alums and community, and a great structure to their organization. Training dogs can be difficult and training them to do tasks for people with disabilities is an art. K9P provides and sustains professionally trained service and companion dogs by using positive reinforcement. They train their dogs to meet the specific needs of individuals and the environments in which they are liv...

As it is with every New Year, my newsfeed has been covered with reflections of 2015 and resolutions and promises for 2016 this week. As I watch the hardest year of my life come to a close, I can't say that I am even slightly sentimental. 2015 was an asshole and I'm not going to miss it at all. I walk into 2016 beaten and bruised from all the bullcrap that 2015 put me through. Though I am trying to be hopeful for a better year, I am facing 2016 with the reasonable expectation that it could be just as challenging, but this time I'm a bit more prepared and a heck of a lot stronger. So I've made a decision.  As the longevity of my disability has become more and more apparent, I have begun making plans revolving around my new normal. I started with the investment of the wheelchair. I had to plan a way to make it through the semester at school with my limited independence and mobility. Now, I'm looking more than a few months ahead. I'm coming to terms with the card...