Growing Deeper Roots: My Story of Invisible Illness

Writing about my journey with chronic illness has been both therapeutic and difficult for me. Many times, processing my pain and recovery is more easily done when I start writing about it. Other times, the stage of recovery in which I have found myself is so full of complex emotions and thoughts, that stitching them into words coherent to another person, even one on a similar journey, is just impossible.  So I have been upfront when writing this blog, letting you know that my posts might come more sparingly as the journey's direction changes. When I started going to therapy and working on the grieving component of my illness, I was honest with you, letting you know that I wasn't always going to write about the process, I would have to keep parts of it private. That's the stage I was in most of this spring, sorting my own thoughts out and wondering if I'd ever be able to put them into words. Or if I would ever really want to, if I would want to open that story up to...

The last week has been a complete whirlwind. So much has happened and I'm so tired that I can barely recount it all. The pictures are barely uploaded and I haven't even unpacked but it has been so long since I have updated my blog that I felt it was worth a summarized post.  Last Saturday, May 21st, I graduated college. With many many mixed emotions, I crossed the stage and received my diploma for a BA in Political Science and minor in Economics, magna cum laude. As I've written about on here not long ago, my early graduation came with many bittersweet considerations and it was very difficult for me to remember the triumphs of the day. I tried my hardest to remember that my graduation, a year early, was not to be taken for granted, as this time last year, I was uncertain that I would be returning to school at all. I tried to remember that graduating from college is a distinct accomplishment under any circumstance but my situation should have made the occasion even sweete...

Yesterday was my last day of classes in undergrad. I will be crossing the stage at graduation on May 21st and will promptly begin my post-grad life, searching for jobs, studying for my GREs, and researching graduate programs. What a sweet time to be alive.  But with my celebration, I feel a strong sense of dissatisfaction. As I collect my cords and regalia, I am painfully aware of how empty parts of my college experience is.  I never studied abroad. I didn't finish my independent research for Cater Society.  I dropped my economics major.  I have a long list of trade-offs I made for my health and while listening to so many other soon-to-be graduates recount their undergraduate experiences, I am hyperaware of everything I missed out on.  Sometimes I can't resist obsessing over what I could have done differently over the last three years; should I have stayed for all 4 years even though it would mean $25k more debt? Should I have taken time off when I ...