Growing Deeper Roots: My Story of Invisible Illness

As I mentioned a while back, I was in a senior thesis production this semester. It was a two character play called Running by Arlene Hutton. I took on the role because I needed to have a creative outlet while pushing through my last year at WAC. It was a tolling process and there were many times, like two weeks ago when I could barely stand without fainting, when I thought that I had made a horrible mistake when I committed to the show. I was terrified of fainting on stage or falling into a brain fog period while performing. I took a major gamble.  The crew worked to develop a plan for every possible situation that could arise. I had an understudy ready to take my place in the worst case scenario and the ushers and house managers were alerted to the possibility of a potential episode. I had a heart monitor on the whole time and the stage manager monitored my heart throughout the performance, with a threshold in mind for an indiction that I was symptomatic. We even had a "fainti...

Well, we finally got into the Johns Hopkins' Pituitary Center. We made the appointment 6 weeks ago, that's how long the waiting period was. After 6 weeks, a blood test, a 3 hour appointment, and one of the world's best endocrinologists, we haven't made any progress. Dr. Salvatori diagnosed me with a prolactinoma, a pituitary adenoma that causes an imbalance in the prolactin levels. He did not see any issue with my cortisol levels or my adrenal gland. Normally, he world advise hormone treatment for this mass but the treatment has one concerning side effect...dizziness. Due to my already oppressing syncope, we won't go forward with treatment for Voldemort. Instead, I will have regular hormone level checks and MRIs. The good news? Tumors that behave this way, interacting with the pituitary, are very rarely malignant. The bad news? We have no more leads for treatment of my syncope. But hey, at least it's easier to catch yourself when you fall if you are...

I don't know if I ever really understood "living for the weekends" more than I do this summer. Last summer I worked at an all day summer camp. It was exhausting and sometimes frustrating but I really liked it. I felt like I was getting a lot of fun exercise and vitamin D. Then, I had money to spend during the weekend. I could drive to my boyfriend's house and visit him and I got to spend free time with my friends. I was starting to experience the fatigue, muscle pain and GI symptoms that have since wrecked havoc on my body, but I was still functional. I was still independent. During the school year, I had a busy stressful schedule, but I loved every minute of it. I love learning and I loved all my jobs at school. Weekends were fun, but so were weekdays. I had control of my life.  That's not what this summer is like. This summer, I spend every day researching self prescribed physical therapy, crafting an anti-inflammatory diet, and trying to work towards a more ...

In the midst of my syncope episodes on Sunday night I ended up lying on the bathroom floor with my entire family. Often when I faint I bring someone down with me, but sometimes I faint and my family just sits on the floor with me until I'm ready to get back up. And sometimes, we all end up in a puppy pile of syncope bonding. And then we take selfies.