The last week has been a complete whirlwind. So much has happened and I'm so tired that I can barely recount it all. The pictures are barely uploaded and I haven't even unpacked but it has been so long since I have updated my blog that I felt it was worth a summarized post.
Last Saturday, May 21st, I graduated college. With many many mixed emotions, I crossed the stage and received my diploma for a BA in Political Science and minor in Economics, magna cum laude. As I've written about on here not long ago, my early graduation came with many bittersweet considerations and it was very difficult for me to remember the triumphs of the day. I tried my hardest to remember that my graduation, a year early, was not to be taken for granted, as this time last year, I was uncertain that I would be returning to school at all. I tried to remember that graduating from college is a distinct accomplishment under any circumstance but my situation should have made the occasion even sweeter, not bittersweet.
However, the day was full of anxiety and "what if" thoughts. I was in the top 10% of my class so I should have been seated in the first row, however, the registrar decided that it was safer for me to sit in an aisle seat so my sister could help me stand. Although this plan had good intentions, it required me to stand with the first row while the row I was in remained seated and I looked like I didn't know what I was doing. Then, I had to stand next to the stage while the students in the first row passed me and I waited for my spot in the line. I know most of this was in my head, but I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb and felt quite embarrassed. To make it worse, the second row stood right before I crossed the stage, blocking the view of my family. I was very nervous for graduation; I was terrified that I would faint at the ceremony or not be able to walk across the stage because of my illness. But I knew my parents wanted to see me in the ceremony so I buckled down, swallowed my anxiety, and went to the ceremony. So, it was very difficult to feel like the anxiety and the embarrassment was worth it when I didn't even think my parents had a good view.
The ceremony was long and I felt tired and dehydrated. The water bottle they promised would be under my chair for the ceremony was no where to be seen and I could feel my blood pressure dipping. I trusted my adrenalin to get me through the ceremony. And it did...until it ended.
Proceeding out of the auditorium (the rainy weather pushed our ceremony in doors), I followed my classmates in a line. As soon as I entered the back hallway, my vision blurred, my stomach turned, and the next thing I knew, I was hitting the wall and falling to the ground. The post-graduation madness was multiplied by my untimely faint and it took me forever to recuperate, feel well enough to walk, and find my family. By the time I found my family, I was so frustrated from not feeling well and not being able to get ahold of them that I couldn't help crying. So all my graduation photos displayed pushy-eyed, red-nosed Tori. The rest of the day consisted of grumpy photos and a stressful move out, ending with a long ride home.
Luckily, I knew the weather would be bad on Saturday so my friend Alex and I took photos outside the day before. Since graduation day was so crumby, I've decided to remember the day before, a beautiful Friday with sunshine, the Senior lunch, awards, a water-side party, fireworks, a bar crawl, and time with my friends and family, instead. I won't think about the embarrassing ceremony or the faint afterwards or my tears in the lobby when I think about my graduation, I'll remember it like this:
Last Saturday, May 21st, I graduated college. With many many mixed emotions, I crossed the stage and received my diploma for a BA in Political Science and minor in Economics, magna cum laude. As I've written about on here not long ago, my early graduation came with many bittersweet considerations and it was very difficult for me to remember the triumphs of the day. I tried my hardest to remember that my graduation, a year early, was not to be taken for granted, as this time last year, I was uncertain that I would be returning to school at all. I tried to remember that graduating from college is a distinct accomplishment under any circumstance but my situation should have made the occasion even sweeter, not bittersweet.
However, the day was full of anxiety and "what if" thoughts. I was in the top 10% of my class so I should have been seated in the first row, however, the registrar decided that it was safer for me to sit in an aisle seat so my sister could help me stand. Although this plan had good intentions, it required me to stand with the first row while the row I was in remained seated and I looked like I didn't know what I was doing. Then, I had to stand next to the stage while the students in the first row passed me and I waited for my spot in the line. I know most of this was in my head, but I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb and felt quite embarrassed. To make it worse, the second row stood right before I crossed the stage, blocking the view of my family. I was very nervous for graduation; I was terrified that I would faint at the ceremony or not be able to walk across the stage because of my illness. But I knew my parents wanted to see me in the ceremony so I buckled down, swallowed my anxiety, and went to the ceremony. So, it was very difficult to feel like the anxiety and the embarrassment was worth it when I didn't even think my parents had a good view.
The ceremony was long and I felt tired and dehydrated. The water bottle they promised would be under my chair for the ceremony was no where to be seen and I could feel my blood pressure dipping. I trusted my adrenalin to get me through the ceremony. And it did...until it ended.
Proceeding out of the auditorium (the rainy weather pushed our ceremony in doors), I followed my classmates in a line. As soon as I entered the back hallway, my vision blurred, my stomach turned, and the next thing I knew, I was hitting the wall and falling to the ground. The post-graduation madness was multiplied by my untimely faint and it took me forever to recuperate, feel well enough to walk, and find my family. By the time I found my family, I was so frustrated from not feeling well and not being able to get ahold of them that I couldn't help crying. So all my graduation photos displayed pushy-eyed, red-nosed Tori. The rest of the day consisted of grumpy photos and a stressful move out, ending with a long ride home.
Luckily, I knew the weather would be bad on Saturday so my friend Alex and I took photos outside the day before. Since graduation day was so crumby, I've decided to remember the day before, a beautiful Friday with sunshine, the Senior lunch, awards, a water-side party, fireworks, a bar crawl, and time with my friends and family, instead. I won't think about the embarrassing ceremony or the faint afterwards or my tears in the lobby when I think about my graduation, I'll remember it like this:
To be 100% honest, I wasn't that excited for my graduation. With all the bittersweet endings, I was more excited for post-grad life than the celebration of my degree. One of the things I was most excited about was my post-graduation trip. I couldn't post about it sooner because it was a surprise for my best friend Kate. As you know, Kate is the greatest human being to have ever touched this planet in all of history. She has been a crucial character in my story from day one, playing the role of best friend, caretaker, nurse, bedpan cleaner, personal driver, sidekick, etc. She turned 21 on May 2nd but I couldn't be there to celebrate with her. So instead of doing senior week at the beach with my class, I planned a surprise birthday trip to Roanoke with my friends from home. Michelle, Hannah, Fabiola and I planned a whole week at a rental house on a lake in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Under the ruse of a fake POTS clinic trip, Kate drove me to Radford, Virginia where we met our friends at the house. Kate was completely surprised and confused but after lots of explanation, she was super excited for our week in paradise.
The house we rented was on Claytor lake and had a beautiful view of the mountains and the water. We spent some time kayaking, paddleboating, swimming, jumping off the deck into the water, playing games, hiking, and catching up. With the business of college, nursing school, working multiple jobs, running D1 track, and training to be a paramedic, my friends and I have not had enough time to stay in touch and consistent in each other's lives but this week off the map was the perfect time to reconnect.
It was also great to surprise Kate because she has been the greatest friend to me through the hardest year of my life. When I got sick last year, Kate was the first person at my side. She has continued to drop everything to be my rock whenever I've needed her and I know that I couldn't've made it through this last year without her. The last few months have also been especially difficult for Kate. As a life-long runner, much of Kate's identity and happiness comes from her athleticism. Unfortunately, Kate injured her hamstring in her fall season this year and has not been able to get back to running since. She has been through months of physical therapy and has been limited in the exercise she is allowed to do and has had a hard time with this new normal. It has killed me to be so far from her when I know she is struggling so I came up with this idea to bring all our friends together for a week of fun and celebration.
In true Tori-fashion, I woke up Sunday morning with a sore throat and by the end of the day had a throat full of strep-colonies. Kate took me to the urgent care and I got a prescription for penicillin. I spent the rest of the week drinking tea and honey and numbing my throat with Motrin. On Tuesday, I noticed a rash on my hands and sores in my mouth. Wednesday night, my feet were sore and blistering and I wondered if I was having a weird reaction to the Penicillin. A quick call to my mom informed me that I more than likely had a virus call Hand, Foot and Mouth, which makes you develop sores like mine and is traveling around schools in our area. Apparently, my older sister got it from a coworker and was kind enough to share it with me. So while the week was beautiful and full of fun, I was sick as a dog.
One of my favorite parts of the trip was the day we spent hiking McAfees Knob in Salem, VA. This is an 8 mile hike to the highest peak in Virginia and the most photographed spot on the Appalachian Trail. It has been a dream of mine to climb this mountain and, while it took us 5 hours and kicked our butts, it was a beautiful view with beautiful people. We took a ton of pictures at the top and it felt like we were at the top of the world. Doing things like this, while difficult, helps me remember that I do have control over my body and I am getting stronger every day. I only fainted once on our whole trip. I might still be fainting every week, but I climbed a mountain. And I graduated college. This was a good week.
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