Today, I'm feeling a little defeated. Maybe I got cocky or too comfortable with the last few days of normalcy. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were really good days for me. I had a slight headache on Monday, but other than that, I have been fairly non-symptomatic. I started doing some normal things, shopping with Kate, going to the dentist, going out to dinner. I even went to see Jim Gaffigan at the Wolf Trap. I've been feeling pretty good.
Until today.
I knew when I woke up, with a BP of 78/68, that it wasn't going to be as successful of a day. My stomach was hurting, I felt a little foggy, and by noon, I had fainted.
Still, I went to PT with the hope of getting my energy level up and leaving the session feeling better. Well, I made it half way through the session before the squats got the better of me. This was the first time I've ever fainted in PT (this office, at least). Kevin, my physical therapist, was right there with an additional spotter so I did not hurt myself, but my session was over.
Yesterday, going back to school didn't feel so scary. I was excited. But on days like this, I can't stop my mind from racing with concern.
I could barely carry a conversation with Kevin today, because my brain fog made everything he say seem complicated and distant and confusing. I'm still not allowed to ambulate without assistance. If I want to walk, I have to have someone walking with me, basically holding my arm. If I'm on my own, I have to be in the chair. I'm still getting about 3 migraines a week. I can't sleep at night but I can't stay away all day, by 4:30 pm I start to crash.
So how the hell am I supposed to go back to school? How could I stay focused in class? How could I manage the campus? How am I going to do this?
But the only thing more terrifying than going back to school is not going back to school. I need to hit play on this life of pause, even if the next few scenes are going to be difficult to get through.
I have one more week. One more week of PT, one more week at home, one more week to prepare.
Maybe I will miraculously recover in the next 7 days and this will be the best semester of my college career!
It's worth a shot.
Until today.
I knew when I woke up, with a BP of 78/68, that it wasn't going to be as successful of a day. My stomach was hurting, I felt a little foggy, and by noon, I had fainted.
Still, I went to PT with the hope of getting my energy level up and leaving the session feeling better. Well, I made it half way through the session before the squats got the better of me. This was the first time I've ever fainted in PT (this office, at least). Kevin, my physical therapist, was right there with an additional spotter so I did not hurt myself, but my session was over.
Yesterday, going back to school didn't feel so scary. I was excited. But on days like this, I can't stop my mind from racing with concern.
I could barely carry a conversation with Kevin today, because my brain fog made everything he say seem complicated and distant and confusing. I'm still not allowed to ambulate without assistance. If I want to walk, I have to have someone walking with me, basically holding my arm. If I'm on my own, I have to be in the chair. I'm still getting about 3 migraines a week. I can't sleep at night but I can't stay away all day, by 4:30 pm I start to crash.
So how the hell am I supposed to go back to school? How could I stay focused in class? How could I manage the campus? How am I going to do this?
But the only thing more terrifying than going back to school is not going back to school. I need to hit play on this life of pause, even if the next few scenes are going to be difficult to get through.
I have one more week. One more week of PT, one more week at home, one more week to prepare.
Maybe I will miraculously recover in the next 7 days and this will be the best semester of my college career!
It's worth a shot.
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