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My Fight Songs

Sometimes, mostly on Twitter, I have a self deprecating sense of humor. A while ago I tweeted something snarky and jaded about my struggles. In my attempt to be funny but blunt I tweeted this: 
And to be fair, I'm mostly right. When we are hurting we like to listen to music that we can relate to. That's why there are about a zillion songs about heart break. There I was, extremely frustrated with the state of my life and feeling extremely isolated. I have great friends but none of them understood what I was going through. My family is extremely supportive (trust me, there are days when I need to be escorted to the bathroom because I can't stand on my own. My sisters take turns helping me to the bathroom. That is love right there) but when I'm having hard days there is only so much they can do. 

At the end of the day, I can listen to Taylor Swift when I need to wallow in self pity about my failed relationships. I can listen to Justin Timberlake when I need to dance it out. I can listen to Bastille when I feel the need to harmonize. But when it comes to my health and the struggles I've been facing for the past few months, there aren't many artists writing about chronic illness. 

Then I started to read what is now one of my favorite blogs. http://lymechick.com/

The writer of this blog, Maisie McInerney, is an advocate and awareness activist for Chronic Lyme Disease. She has been fighting for her health for over 5 years. Her blog has unified a community of understanding, loving peers going through the same illness. When I found her blog I also found a beautiful song that she wrote about her journey, "Light Found You." http://bit.ly/1jcHIXW
A portion of the proceeds go to the Tick-Borne Disease Alliance.  http://tbdalliance.org/

There are about a million lines in this song that resonate with me as I fight this never ending battle. 

"The day starts out like every other. You look at the clock and it's half over." 
            -Because I literally sleep all the time and never. This might not make sense but if you have ever had insomnia and fatigue at the same time, you understand me. 

"And the people who swore hard to stay close, spoke words untrue."
            -It happens, you lose friends because you have to cancel half your plans. You break relationships because you have to focus on your health more than a him. You piss people off because you're always moody because you're always tired or in pain. 

"The fearless fight seems worth retreating and most days you're too tired of competing." 
            -Yes, I spend all my time sleeping and resting. Yes, I'm still exhausted. This bullshit is exhausting. 

Though she acknowledges the feeling of helplessness "The light people keep alluding to seems to have missed you," I think she still captures the feeling of working towards health in a positive way by ending the song with "The light people keep alluding to has almost found you." 

So, I immediately bought the song and tweeted: 

From there I started to build a relationship with Maisie and other Lyme Disease bloggers and advocates. I also started noticing other songs that, while not directly alluding to chronic illness, are inspirational and uplifting during this time in my life. 

"Fight Song" -Rachel Platten

I don't know what this song is about but as far as I'm concerned it's about chronic illness and fighting for the advocacy and policies that we need. Seriously, we should play this song at Lyme Rallies. 

"This is my fight song. My take back my life song. Prove I'm alright song. My power's turned on. Starting right now I'll be strong." 
             -How could this not make me feel stronger?! Are we sure that this isn't written for the chronically ill? I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK! Really, this is my fight song and I'd be lying if I tried to say that I haven't scream sang this song. 

"Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep." 
              -Have I mentioned that I'm tired? 

"Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me." 
              -Words I tell myself every day. I stand, feel dizzy, and I remind myself that I've still got a lot of fight left in me.

"Brave" -Sara Bareilles 

If you tell me you don't like Sara Bareilles I will not like you anymore. She is perfection. And I can't listen to this song without smiling and feeling at least a little better. 

"Let your words be anything but empty. Why don't you tell them the truth?" 
              -This is my advocacy song. Throughout this process of trying to find a diagnosis and treatment I have witnessed a lot of doubt. Chronic Lyme disease is a very controversial illness and sufferers face a lot of doubtful judgements and disapproving opinions. It's hard for me to do much advocacy work from my bed at home but when I'm blogging about my experiences and research I'm doing I can't help repeating this line. 

Honorable Mentions: 
"Overwhelmed" -Rachel Platten
"King" -Lauren Aquilina 
"Come Together" -Echosmith 

So now you know what I'm listening to while writing my blog posts. 


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